Right now, everybody in Europe is wringing their hands over the threat of U.S. tariffs on European wines. A lot of tariff proposals have been floated in recent months—including 200 percent on European wine and spirits—as part of a trade war the wine world certainly does not want. On Wednesday, the Oval Office is expected to announce a whole raft of tariffs on who-knows-what.
The thought of wine tariffs makes a lot of us sick. Who wants to see our favorite European producers face ruin along with untold American importers, distributors and restaurateurs? Not me.
A couple of weeks ago, I doubted wine tariffs would happen for 10 minutes, if that long. Now I’m not so sure. But if tariffs do happen to include wine, now or at some point in the future, we need to be prepared. Here I want to offer some ways of creatively getting around them.
How? Let’s take some cues from Italy, where I currently live. Why Italy? Because Italians have long been among the world’s cleverest people at making end runs around difficult-to-impossible situations.
After all, pioneering Italian-American vintners in California were among those who figured out how to legally get around Prohibition’s ban on selling alcohol in the 1920s and early ’30s by selling grape concentrate (with instructions on how to avoid fermentation) that allowed thirsty folks to make their own home wine. And where would California's wine industry be today if some growers hadn't figured out how to survive until Repeal?
So here are are a few other “solutions” inspired by Italian wine history … .
Strategy 1: In the Air
After American GIs liberated Naples in 1944, local entrepreneur and marketing genius Gennaro Ciaravolo famously repurposed empty Army rations into souvenirs of canned “Napoli Air,” even selling them back to the soldiers.
What a perfect example of marketing and storytelling that is even more relevant today in our brand-conscious age. The real value of any luxury liquid—from water to perfume to whiskey to wine—is not the liquid itself but the label applied to it.
How much is a generic, no-label bottle of wine worth? Wine as a commodity generates far less than a buck (or a euro) for the volume equivalent to one bottle. What gives wine value is the story around it: from its appellation, history and production methods to its current reputation and accolades. And conveying that story to the consumer starts with the label.
Antinori Toscana Tignanello fetches $180 a bottle because each of those three names is charged with meaning and decades’ worth of recognition.
Take an unlabeled bottle of the same wine and leave it on a shelf in a wine shop, and what’s the value? Two bucks?
So what does this mean for tariffs? How about a simple strategy to ship all wines to the U.S. in plain, unlabeled bottles—making the wine nearly worthless? Tariffs would then be paid on the commodity price, and U.S. importers would do the real alchemy of boosting value by applying labels to bottles in the US of A.
There’s a hitch to this in that current European regulations don’t allow appellation wines to be shipped without labels, but surely in these uncertain times, EU lawmakers could be convinced to suspend such rules?
Of course, it’s possible this neat trick would cause U.S. Customs and the officials who regulate wine labels to blow their corks. In that case, it would be necessary to try other measures.
Strategy 2: Changing the Name of Wine
Remember the controversy when Prosecco changed the name of the sparkling wine’s grape from “Prosecco” to “Glera” in 2009? By designating “Prosecco” as an Italian wine production area, it put the appellation name off limits for the labels of potential competitors.
To avoid tariffs on “wine,” maybe all you’d have to do is stop calling it “wine.”
In this scenario, I would propose to change “wine” to a name associated with something Americans universally crave and wouldn’t dare tax.
Why not “eggs”?
Or, if the bird flu problem gets under control, how about “Ozempic,’ the wildly popular weight loss drug? It’s a trademarked European product made in Denmark, but I’m sure the Danes would help their wine-producing neighbors by lending out the name.
Yeah, this kind of change might be awkward at first. Pity poor somms: “What kind of Ozempic wink wink can I get you to go with your Dover sole tonight?”
It is possible, I confess, that some official might say that the liquid formerly known as wine doesn’t reduce appetite or can’t be used to make an omelet, in which case we might have to resort to one of the big forces that makes the world go around …
Strategy 3: Under The Table
Back in the day, people would declare a low-invoice price for goods or services (to be taxed) and then supplement the remaining cost with payment in cash—sometimes shopping bags full of it. Even sometimes for Manhattan real estate.
But cash is now old school since there is a whole new exciting industry aimed at keeping business away from prying eyes: Cryptocurrency! Why pay in actual dollars when you can pay in … let’s call it “Winecoin”? The currency could even fluctuate in value daily.
I can’t say I know much about crypto. But the beauty of it is that no one really knows anything about it!
Ok, so maybe these solutions need some work. But the bottom line is times are tough, and we need to find solutions. Let’s start by channeling our inner Italian creativity.
